Shared-Home Safety Plan for Stalking by an Ex

When an ex or acquaintance is stalking a resident, the household should reduce access and information without taking control away from the targeted person. Do not test, bait, confront, or negotiate with the stalker.

For legal, program, or safety details, start with National Domestic Violence Hotline stalking safety planning. Local rules and individual circumstances still control.

Build the immediate household plan

Build the plan with the targeted resident. Ask what name and photo may be shared, who should be contacted, which entrances feel safe, and what they want housemates to do after a sighting. Use emergency services for immediate danger.

Audit access: physical keys, copied keys, smart-lock codes, garage remotes, building directories, intercoms, parking permits, Wi-Fi, shared cloud albums, location sharing, calendars, pet apps, and delivery accounts. Change only what the resident and property rules support, and document each completed revocation.

Reduce information leaks. Do not disclose whether the person is home, their schedule, workplace, new phone, travel, vehicle, room, or forwarding address. Ask friends and regular visitors not to tag the location or post real-time photos.

Put authority, privacy, and follow-through in writing

Create a no-entry instruction for roommates, neighbors or building staff where appropriate. Include a photo only with consent. Nobody should open the door to gather evidence. Use a safe room, alternate exit, or trusted destination identified in the personal safety plan.

Preserve unwanted contacts and sightings in a secure log: date, time, channel, exact content, witnesses, vehicle details, and report number. Save originals and backups. The Hotline’s stalking safety-planning resource includes documentation and technology considerations.

Plan deliveries and routines without making the targeted person a prisoner. Use pickup lockers, alternate arrival points, or accompanied walks if they want them. Review the plan after any escalation, move, new device, court order, or access failure with an advocate or lawyer.

Test the plan once while everyone can still correct it. Walk through the handoff from the perspective of the person with the least context: where the instruction lives, who acts first, what requires consent, what expense is allowed, and when to stop and call a professional. A checklist that works only when its author is standing nearby is not ready.

Set a review trigger instead of promising that the rules will last forever. A changed schedule, new resident, vendor change, missed handoff, safety concern, or move-out should reopen only the affected decision. Record the revision date and tell everyone what changed. This keeps a practical stalking shared home safety plan plan from becoming an outdated page that people follow from habit.

Finally, decide what not to record. Shared systems are useful for assignments and deadlines, but they are poor places for passwords, identity numbers, private histories, allegations, or detailed medical and legal files. Store sensitive material with the person who owns it or in a secure location they choose. Housemates can still receive a clear action, such as “call the listed contact,” without receiving the underlying private information.

How HomeCo Helps

HomeCo can hold the ordinary coordination that everyone has agreed is safe to share: dated tasks, named owners, recurring reminders, shopping items, and expense records. Keep legal documents, diagnoses, evidence, passwords, and confidential safety details in an appropriately secure location instead of a broad household board.

Create one small checklist for the handoff, assign each item to a person, and add a due date and backup. Link only to the minimum instructions needed. A visible completion history reduces repeated questions while preserving clear responsibility. For a related household workflow, read this HomeCo guide.

FAQ

Should roommates reply and tell the stalker to stop?

Not without the targeted person’s safety plan and legal advice. Responses can increase risk or complicate documentation.

Can the household change the locks?

Lease rules and local protections vary. Contact the landlord, advocate, or attorney about lawful urgent lock changes and do not leave another resident without access.

What should a roommate do after a sighting?

Move to safety, follow the agreed notification and emergency steps, and record only what they directly observed. Do not follow the person.